Updates

On May 5th we found out genders!!  I was 18.4wks along.  Jon was able to come with me- yahoo!! We had just gotten back from a family trip to Utah and he was still in town :)  Not on vacation.. but he was here!!  I was so thankful for our tech this time around because unlike last time, she actually asked if we wanted to know the genders and if we already knew.  With A&A the tech assumed we already knew and just went ahead with the ultrasound :)

So... baby A is a girl and baby B is a boy!!! I made the tech go back and double check before we were done! For a while I kept feeling like we had 2 girls.. and then I started feeling like it was a boy and a girl again!  This is perfect!  We are so excited!

All looked pretty well.  The only thing that was a tiny bit concerning is that our baby boy has a little bit a fluid around his heart- but not enough to really raise alarm.  However, try telling a pregnant woman that!!  "Don't panic.. but..." yeah...

May 20th we had our next ultrasound at Dr. Tam Tam's office (the specialist).  This was a biggie ultrasound. 3.hours.long!!!!  It's no secret that I'm not a fan of this doctor.  He knows his stuff and is proactive- so I appreciate that... he's just so intense!  The first 2 hours we were just with an ultrasound tech.  She confirmed genders again :)  Baby girl was not super cooperative, but the tech got most of what she needed.  After 2 hours with the tech, Dr. Tam Tam came in with his check list of what he needed to look at that either the tech didn't get or couldn't get...

One of the longest hours of my life!  He spent the first 15mins very silent and looking over and over at our baby boy's face.  Then he started hedging and asking if we did the down syndrome screening with Dr. DeSplinter.  Apparently, they ran the test but only showed it as being 1 baby- not twins.  I was originally told that all came back normal.  The way baby boy's placenta is positioned- it is harder to see him sometimes.  There's more tissue to get through.  Dr. T couldn't find baby b's nose bone.  Apparently, that is a strong indicator of downs.  Of course my heart is sinking.  But then we'd get a glimpse of it.  Dr. T kept saying- it shouldn't be this hard to see it and find it.  We finally got a really good view and I felt better about it.  He wasn't concerned about the fluid around his heart... but he recommended that I go in for an echocardiogram for the babies.  That will be on June 23rd.  You better believe that I am pretty nervous for all of that.

I feel like I've gone through so much more for this pregnancy than I did with A&A.  Way more worry.  Way more meds.  Last week I had a normal appt with Dr. D and I got a call today about my bloodwork.  They need to adjust my thyroid meds (not a surprise) and then they told me that my red blood cells look normal but they are low in number.  From the numbers alone it looks like normocytic anemia.  Dr. D wants me to come in tomorrow to do more iron tests.  Lucky me!  I didn't have this last time around.  So I'm just feeling defeated.  I know it's not a big deal, but to me I just feel like it's just something else.

Don't get me wrong, I know we are so blessed and we are so happy for our new little girl and boy to join our family.  I'm just really over feeling like everything is wrong with me.  I just have to keep going one day at a time.  Other than bloods tomorrow- I go back on the 17th for a normal appt with Dr. D  along with my glucose test and ultrasound.  If I fail that glucose test- I'm going to lose it lol.

Oh... I don't think I've mentioned this... Dr. Tam Tam made me do a 24hr urine test!! I had to pee in a jug for a 24 hr period!  I had to deliver said jug to the lab... how horrifying lol.  They do this to get a baseline to see how much protein I might have in my urine.  Having that information will help Dr. D down the line... esp if I develope protein in my urine.  If this happens, they are more likely to deliver you- but if they have a base first then if they spot protein they will have a better idea if they really need to deliver you... so it just helps them not deliver sooner than needed.    All came back normal with my urine test so that makes me happy.

I can do this!  I can do this!!

Some People Are Worth Melting For

And just like that... 3 months have passed!

I took a step back from the blog because I was getting nervous.  The last time I had written I had not found out the outcome of our transfer.  I ran into the "what ifs"... what if I write about this whole IVF again and then it fails?  I decided to step back and figured that if it failed then I would pick up at some other point or if it was a success, I'd pick back up when it was "safe".

Well, on January 21st (the day of my last post)- as I wrote, they called back with my blood work and told me to continue my meds.  What I left out of that post was that my Dr. decided to run a pregnancy test.  So after the nurse told me all looked good, she added... "and, there's more.  We ran a pregnancy test."  My heart was seriously going a million miles a minute.  In the 2 seconds before she continued so many thoughts ran through my head.  Surely they wouldn't be telling me to continue meds if it was negative- would they?  She continued, "And it came back.. POSITIVE!  Your levels are 85!!!!"  I was only 6 days post transfer.  I hadn't even caved and taken an at home test.  I posted this on an IVF support group I'm apart of on facebook:

er.me.gersh!!! So I had to go into my dr's for blood work to check progesterone levels (I'm 6dp6dfet). Anyways, the nurse called and told me all my levels looked good and then she said.. "And... we ran a pregnancy test on you." I was just like.. "what???" (obviously not upset but just unexpected) and she said that I'm pregnant! She said levels were at 85! I'm still holding my breath here.. but I'm still in disbelief! This is our 3rd FET since August! My actual beta wasn't supposed to be until the 29th. So, we'll see what happens this upcoming week

I was in shock (I still am).  I was still nervous.  However, things moved right along.  My hcg levels rose they way they were supposed to.  On 11 days post transfer it was 799 and just kept going up!  

On Feb. 4th (5wks pregnant) we had our first ultrasound and our pregnancy was confirmed and it showed that we were indeed pregnant with TWINS!! AGAIN!!  Holy moly!  We were elated, scared, nervous, happy, shocked.. every emotion good and bad haha.  A 2nd set of twins!?!?   Wow!!

There is so much to catch up on but I don't want to turn this into a novel and I will do my best to update as we go along here.  I just wanted to talk about Alton and Ashlyn's story compared to our current story.  When we first got pregnant with A&A the disney movie UP was a huge influence with our story.  It still is.  So many crazy emotions from that movie.  Not only is infertility is quietly discussed in the first 15-20mins of the movie, they did it so thoughtfully.  The movie was all about picking yourself up from hardships and keep moving, keep having adventures and not being afraid to let people in.  We formed our little "grape soda club"  which the new twins will also get their own pins :) 

 However, this time around, there is a new disney movie, Frozen, that I feel is very appropriate.  A&A love this movie.  We watch it often.  Around when we transferred our snow babies we watched this movie and a line hit me hard.  I know, so cliche and cheesy- but I really don't care!  It's towards the end when Olaf finds Anna locked in a room in the castle by Hans.  She is feeling hopeless and freezing.  She is giving up hope.  Then, out of nowhere, Olaf is roaming the castle and unlocks the door where she is and finds her in this state.  He tries everything he can to help her, to get her warm, to give her hope.  He lights a fire.  She tells him to stop because he will melt.  He looks back at her and says, "Some people are worth melting for".  At that time, we didn't know if this transfer was going to work, but I felt a peace come over me (again, you area all probably rolling your eyes haha) and I knew that no matter what happened it would all be okay.  

I can't tell you how thankful I am for this wonderful blessing.  To know that our little family was "worth melting for" is humbling.  

We are officially due on October 2nd, 2016.. but let's be real... I'm not making it that far!! :)  Here is our official announcement!!!

Appt today

Went in today to check on my progesterone levels after adding the prometrium to my menu :)  I took prometrium before I dropped the kids off at preschool and then I went straight to the Dr's after that.  I haven't felt as extremely drowsy as I did the first time I took it on Tuesday night but I still get a little loopy.  So, by the time I went in I was starting to feel it.  I was around the corner from costco so I decided after the blood draw I'd go over to costco to pick up a few things and to ride out my weird drowsiness.

The rest of the day was fine.  Got the kids from school, had them finish what was left of their lunch (which was most of it), nap time, I was still drowsy/tired from meds so I just relaxed and watched a couple episodes on hulu.... I hate moving around when I feel loopy.  I felt lazy, but it's better than bumbling around haha.

My doctor's office called me with the results and they said my estrogen and progesterone levels look good and to continue my meds as I have been.  So it looks like the prometrium is doing it's job :)  I go back on Tuesday to recheck my levels.

On another note, when I was down and out about the prometrium thing I prayed for comfort and understanding.  I was just needing a feeling of support.  The next day a friend stopped by with a sonic drink.  She had no idea what was going on.  I know it's just a sonic drink- but to me- it was reassurance that I was being looked out for.  Later that evening an old friend contacted me about her infertility journey and wishing us luck on ours.  She mentioned about reading through our old blog about all of our infertility struggles and successes and how she has found hope in that.  It seriously brought tears to my eyes because this journey has just been so crazy.  I so appreciated her contacting me.

Today was a great day.

Quick update

Took the prometrium last night and then a little while after I took my progesterone shot... and holy cow.. drowsy city!!  We'll see how that continues to go.  It better be all worth it!!

Anyways, this morning, I called conception pharmacy (where I get all fertility meds) and I needed to order new progesterone in oil shots.  The last time I ordered my month supply it was like $300 just for those.  This was back in October.  Anyways, I told the woman I was pretty sure my insurance wasn't going to cover it.  I asked if I could only order a few instead of the full month so I didn't have to pay so much money.  She ran it through insurance just incase and she said that insurance covered it and it was $10... What?? I was like.. "you're kidding!"  She even ran it through a 2nd time.  She said in October it was run through insurance but not covered so it might've changed over the new year!  I'm still in shock.  It's a tender mercy, that's for sure.

I know it wasn't like thousands of dollars saved.. but if IVF works, I'll be on the shots for a long time and that will add up very very quickly... so it could turn into over $1000 just for that but now.. if my insurance covers it... It really relieves a lot of financial stress.

God is good.  I am beyond thankful and we are beyond blessed.  Still crossing fingers! 5 days past transfer...

Transfer and other things

Friday was our transfer day!  We had to be there at 6:30am.   Instructions upon leaving home:  empty bladder, begin drinking 1st water bottle and finish at arrival, check in, start 2nd water bottle.... feel like you have to pee your pants.. haha.

Anyways, we got to the clinic and checked in.  Maybe around 7am we got called back, saw our nurse, vitals, took ibuprofen, took a valium, Jon got his fancy suit, I got the gown.. woo!  Then we headed back.  We got our pictures of our snowbabies.  Both hatching!  This is a good thing.  Transfer went really well.  I guess I don't have a whole ton of description.  The same ol same ol... Then, Dr. G said that he wanted me back in on Tuesday to check my estrogen and progesterone levels.  The last 2 FETs they didn't check me at all until the the pregnancy test.  With Alton and Ashlyn's IVF they checked me a few times before the pregnancy test.  So, it makes sense.. just hoping it will help my odds.

Today I went in for my blood test and it came back saying my estrogen levels are good but my progesterone levels aren't as high as they want them to be.  I'm already an emotional mess.  So everything is heightened and I make a big deal about stupid stuff.  It's just what happens when you are on tons of estrogen!  Ha!  Anyways, they're putting me on prometrium (pill form of progesterone) and then still do the progesterone in oil shots.  Then I'll be back on Thursday to check up on it again.  I guess I'm so upset about all of this because it starts the questions of "Am I doing the shots wrong?  What else is wrong with my body?  What can I do different?...."  See? Stressful.  Anyways...

The bedrest was good.  It was nice to see Jon with Alton and Ashlyn having fun.  Jon did so much to help and kept us together this past weekend and I'm truly thankful for his willingness to be on this crazy ride with me!  By the end of the weekend I was so done with laying on the couch.  I'm doing fine now.  No real symptoms.  Some cramping here and there (I think.. who knows...).  The two week wait is so hard.  It's just a rollercoaster.  You have no way to control anything, no way of knowing if it was successful, there are usually no symptoms during the 2ww anyways so no matter what happens- there's no way of knowing unitl the blood test.

Today after I got the news about adding the prometrium to my already large list of meds I was so down and out.  I was getting frustrated with all the little things.  For example, whenever Ashlyn got a little crazy (upset because she didn't have the right color of something) it really got under my skin more than it should have.  I had a lot of mom fails this afternoon.  I just have to pick myself up and be better tomorrow.  It's really hard not having Jon here in town.  There are just times that you need a moment to check out and tonight was one of them.

Anyways, not trying to be all depressing over here :)  It was just a rough day.  I still have hope, but man it's hard to keep hope alive after the last 2 failed FETs.  Crossing fingers!

And.... it's 2016

So much has happened.  I haven't kept up with this blog like my original intentions.  Not that surprising... Oh well.

There has just been so much that I've been keeping track of for the kids and myself.  Then Jon is traveling still every week so weekends are crazy too- trying to get in a lot of daddy time.

Super simple summary... did a 2nd FET and it failed.  I was pretty shocked to be honest.  The first one we did back in August I didn't even bother getting an at home test.  I just knew.  The 2nd time I got an at home test and I was like 90% sure that it was going to be positive.. it wasn't.. but it's not over until the beta blood test... and it was negative.

I didn't want to crawl back into my dark little hole and we didn't have a long waiting period this time around (last time we had to wait for tons of blood work and then we were going on vacation back in October...)

Anyways, we decided to do a 3rd FET.  We met with my doctor to hash everything out.  We decided that it would be best to put in 2 embryos (trust me, my heart skips a beat every time I think about it).  There's a chance that only one will take, that both will stick or none.  We decided to not test the embryos.  When we first did this- we had no reason to test them (or the extra $$$ to do it).   All the testing would tell us is if the embryo is viable- if it would even survive.  We didn't care about genetic things- if we got pregnant on our own it's not like we could really control that.. so if we had done it- it would just have been to see if the embryo was good or not.  So... there's a chance that these frozen snow babies aren't viable.  But, it's too risky to test them.  Reasons why we are choosing not to (and doctor recommended against it) A- do they survive the thaw?  B- would they survive the testing?  C- Is there any long term damage?- no one really knows that last one.

We started meds back up the day after Christmas.  I had been on birthcontrol for just a little bit- they called it a "holding period"... where I wasn't going to be on birth control for an entire cycle so that we could start everything before the new year but not have it fall during the new year because the IVF lab closes for like a week.  So... here we are... and our 3rd FET is on FRIDAY!  I'm trying to go into this with confidence and a positive head.  It's hard.  Everything in this world comes at you hard.  "Maybe I'm not supposed to pass these crazy genes of mine on."  "I already have 2 kids- why should I have more?"   The list could go on forever.

We went to the temple over the break and we have been praying about it for quite a while and we both know that the decision we've made (to do it again and to put in two embryos) is right.  Whether the outcome is what we're hoping for or not.

Bring it on Friday.  I'm coming with my lucky socks that I wore to the twin's IVF.  Didn't wear them the last 2 times... thinking I should this time :D

Shameless plug :)

Hey all!  So we've put together a t-shirt campaign for this frozen embryo transfer!  After the last failed attempt, I am now on lots of medications and some are covered by insurance but the really expensive ones are not and there aren't any generics!  Ah!  That is where this money will go towards.

In the IVF world, frozen embryos are lovingly known as "snow babies".  Please help us "catch" our snowflake baby!

Thank you all for your love and support!

https://teechip.com/catchingsnowflakes

There are men and women sizes in assorted colors :)