And.... it's 2016

So much has happened.  I haven't kept up with this blog like my original intentions.  Not that surprising... Oh well.

There has just been so much that I've been keeping track of for the kids and myself.  Then Jon is traveling still every week so weekends are crazy too- trying to get in a lot of daddy time.

Super simple summary... did a 2nd FET and it failed.  I was pretty shocked to be honest.  The first one we did back in August I didn't even bother getting an at home test.  I just knew.  The 2nd time I got an at home test and I was like 90% sure that it was going to be positive.. it wasn't.. but it's not over until the beta blood test... and it was negative.

I didn't want to crawl back into my dark little hole and we didn't have a long waiting period this time around (last time we had to wait for tons of blood work and then we were going on vacation back in October...)

Anyways, we decided to do a 3rd FET.  We met with my doctor to hash everything out.  We decided that it would be best to put in 2 embryos (trust me, my heart skips a beat every time I think about it).  There's a chance that only one will take, that both will stick or none.  We decided to not test the embryos.  When we first did this- we had no reason to test them (or the extra $$$ to do it).   All the testing would tell us is if the embryo is viable- if it would even survive.  We didn't care about genetic things- if we got pregnant on our own it's not like we could really control that.. so if we had done it- it would just have been to see if the embryo was good or not.  So... there's a chance that these frozen snow babies aren't viable.  But, it's too risky to test them.  Reasons why we are choosing not to (and doctor recommended against it) A- do they survive the thaw?  B- would they survive the testing?  C- Is there any long term damage?- no one really knows that last one.

We started meds back up the day after Christmas.  I had been on birthcontrol for just a little bit- they called it a "holding period"... where I wasn't going to be on birth control for an entire cycle so that we could start everything before the new year but not have it fall during the new year because the IVF lab closes for like a week.  So... here we are... and our 3rd FET is on FRIDAY!  I'm trying to go into this with confidence and a positive head.  It's hard.  Everything in this world comes at you hard.  "Maybe I'm not supposed to pass these crazy genes of mine on."  "I already have 2 kids- why should I have more?"   The list could go on forever.

We went to the temple over the break and we have been praying about it for quite a while and we both know that the decision we've made (to do it again and to put in two embryos) is right.  Whether the outcome is what we're hoping for or not.

Bring it on Friday.  I'm coming with my lucky socks that I wore to the twin's IVF.  Didn't wear them the last 2 times... thinking I should this time :D