Prayers needed

So, things have been a little emotional this past week.  Partially due to all the estrogen I'm taking - ha!  But... in all honesty, things have been a little nuts.

When I first started writing this blog I mentioned that I had to go in for a mammogram (because of my mom's history).  Well, it came back abnormal.  However, when I first got the call saying I needed to come back- all they said was that the pictures on one side were incomplete and I just needed to come back in to redo them and they didn't see anything.. well.. that wasn't the full truth.. so when I finally figured out that they did see something (yesterday)- that just freaked me out.  This isn't all that uncommon when you have your first one- they don't have any other baseline mammograms to compare it to.  Anyways, they rescheduled me for a 2nd mammogram and that was today.  I also need an ultrasound... but that's not until Monday.  Apparently they're short staffed on these types of ultrasound techs... awesome.  On the plus side, the ultrasound was originally scheduled for August 14th... so it at least got bumped up due to a cancellation.  Anyways, so today was the 2nd mammogram.  It was just as awkward as the first (didn't blog about that one because I figured it would just be TMI).

The radiologist tech took like 40 different pictures of my left side.  I'm not even joking.  I was there forever.  She kept going back and forth between doing pictures and consulting with the main radiologist (who wasn't in the room).  The 2nd to last time the tech left the room to consult with the radiologist- I lost it.  I started bawling my eyes out.  I was a total mess.  Seriously... it was a little pathetic- but I just couldn't pull myself together.  Anyways, the tech came back and I know she could tell I was blotchy and teary eyed.. but she didn't say anything.  Then we did more pictures.. and then she left again to see the radiologist and then the radiologist came in.  She was an older lady.  She immediately said "we think we found something".  The tech was dead silent.  The radiologist did her own exam on me and was like "oh yep.  Feel that??" and all I wanted to say was "No! You're nuts! There's nothing there!"  But... there it was- I felt it and I just started bawling.  The location where this is is way far back and can't be felt on a normal exam- she was like digging in around my armpit towards my chest (not in lymph node territory)... horrifying... you can't wear deodorant to the mammogram lol so you're like dying of embarrassment!   Then she started talking about how the ultrasound will hopefully show them what it is but we might have to do a needle biopsy.  What??? At that point I was just shaking and trying to hold back my tears.. failing.. but I was trying.

I then just blurted out - "but we're in the middle of doing a frozen embryo transfer!!" and she was like "can you hold off?"  Um.. I'm already on meds!! So, after Monday... we might have to cancel the FET.   I know that this could all be nothing.  I'm probably blubbering for no reason at all.  The fact of the matter is that I'm heart broken.  I'm scared.  Like... really scared.  

Anyways, keep me in your prayers.  I'm trying not to be a drama queen... but it is what it is lol.   I'm banking on it being nothing.  Here's to a weekend of being in panic... woo.  I still really don't understand why I couldn't go somewhere else to get an ultrasound.  I was in a hospital!  There are techs all over the place... humph.

I'm thinking mexican food is a must tonight.  Maybe ice cream.  Maybe both?  Kind've wishing I had set up a babysitter tonight.

Thanks all for your support!  We'll keep you posted!