29.5 weeks

So close... yet so far!!  There are times where this pregnancy feels like it has been flying and other times that it's crawling along.

I had my first iron infusion 3 weeks ago (tomorrow).  It's quite the experience.  I'm there for 2.5hrs. I get hooked up to an IV, hook up the iron and... wait.  Jon came with me the first time.  I was thankful to have him there.  I hate IVs.  I don't think I've ever met anyone who likes IVs.. but you know what I mean... they freak me out and they hurt!  Last week, I had a different nurse than the first time and he left me with a whopper of a bruise on my arm.  I go in tomorrow for another one... I hope I get a different nurse from last week :(

I saw Dr. D last week and she told me that she wanted to start having me come in every week instead of every 2 weeks.  The dr's office is switching over to a new electronic system... and it has been a bit of a nightmare to get scheduled.  Dr. D also wanted me to do another ultrasound (I do them every 4 wks).  I went in this past Monday and poor baby girl... she is SO squished under baby boy.  Every ultrasound tech has such a hard time seeing her.  Even whenever I've seen a specialist and when I went in for the echo!  To get to her, they have to go through baby boy.  Anyways, Darcy (my normal ultrasound tech) was doing her thing and everything was looking good.  The only odd thing was that baby girl's head is measuring small.  like.. 4 wks smaller.  But, one thing to consider- when she first got a leg measurement for baby girl- it measured small and then baby girl moved every so slightly and it measured on track.  So, I'm not really sure what to think.  I was in a little bit of a panic and then I tried to ignore it.

Fast forward a few days to today, Thursday.  I had my weekly Dr. appt.  Dr. D is out of town so I had to see someone else in the office, Dr. Lee.  I've never met her before.  Ashlyn came with me today.  The new electronic system was up and running today in the office.. so now every room has a computer.  Because it was a different doctor- it was a different nurse.  I love my dr's nurse, Abby.  She actually used to work at HFI when we were doing IVF with Alton and Ashlyn.  We have that connection and it makes it easy to talk to her.  This nurse was very cold.  Ashlyn even asked after she left- "Was she mad, mommy?"  nice.  My other nurse, Abby came in because she wanted to know why Dr. D wanted me to start coming in every week now.  I have no idea... that's just what she told me she wanted.  Normally the every week thing doesn't happen until 32 weeks... so I have like a red flag on me lol...  When Dr. Lee came in, she also asked what was up with coming in every week.  NO idea.  I don't want to drive down here that often!  I'm just doing what I'm told.

After that, she got down to business.  Went straight to the ultrasound and said "your baby's head is measuring small".  Has it been this way the whole pregnancy? No.  The next set of questions led to my panic... "Have you been out of the country- most importantly South America recently? Has your husband?  Are you sure?"  Am I sure?? I think I'd remember being on a gorgeous beach  lol   Then she started talking about Zika and how prevalent it is right now and started talking about small heads.  My head started to spin!  No, I don't have zika... but seriously, why are you bringing that up to a pregnant woman who doesn't have it??? I was beside myself.  Then she was all concerned that I wasn't seeing Dr. TamTam for growth ultrasounds.  Well, he told me that he didn't see a reason for me to keep coming to him and I could keep going to Dr. D if I wanted.  No brainer... TamTam = $40 ea time... Dr. D.. no copay.  So I told her that he said that I could continue seeing Dr. D and receive my ultrasounds in her office.  Then she said what I wish I could ignore- "You will be needing to go back to Dr. Tam Tam".  Great.  Then she said, "Well, any other problems today?" I said no.. and then she said, "Okay, I'll send for the ultrasound tech to come get you and get fetal tones".... um?  Dr. D gets heartbeats on her own with her little pocket doppler thing.  Poor Ashlyn was getting bored.   We waited about 20mins and then Darcy walked in with another ultrasound lady and we went to an ultrasound room just to get heart beats.  It was an ultrasound instead of just a doppler.  I was like, "so... do you think you could remeasure baby girl's head???" and they said, "we don't have orders to do that, sorry".  Rats.

I go back to see Dr. D next Friday early morning... only problem?  It's at 8:50am and then I have my iron infusion at 10:15am.  Looks like I'm spending a half day in willowbrook!! Now I need to find someone to watch Alton and Ashlyn who's okay with them running around all,day.long.  I'm also waiting to get the call from Dr. Tam Tam's office to see if that request was put in to see me... woo.

I'm just done with these weird road blocks.  I'm at the point where I just feel like "come and get me when it's over" lol...  I have a lot of fears and a lot of worry.  I'm trying to feel like everything is going to be okay.  It's just hard to do.  I talked to my dad this week and he likes to refer to my pregnancy as my "problem".  We'll be talking and then he'll be like, so, how's your "problem" going?  Um.. what problem?  "The having 2 more kids problem".  Thanks, Dad lol.  There are just times where I really need to talk to my mom.  It's hard not having her when I am feeling so scared.

On a lighter note- 9 wks or less to go :)

27.2wks :)

Just another update :)  Nothing super exciting.  Although, goal wise it's exciting.. 10-11more weeks if all goes according to plan!!

With my visit with Dr. Tam Tam that I talked about last post, I didn't mention that he told me that he is recommending that all his IVF mommies go in for an echocardiogram for the babies.  The nurse even asked me before he told me about it if I had gone in for my echo yet.  That was news to me.  They didn't make me do that with A&A.  Anyways, that was 2 weeks ago?  I went and my ultrasound tech was a guy (that's a first- minus my infertility specialist).  It was about a 3 hour appt.  Both babies look good.  The imaging on baby girl was really hard to see.  It looked really fuzzy and all the images with baby boy were very crisp and clear.  Looking at the girl they saw a "drop out" which means there could be a very small hole in her heart or an issue with the image.  After baby girl is born, we may have to get an echo on her just to make sure.  Oh- and as a side note- Since my visit I have heard from another IVF mommy who is also expecting twins who had to see Tam Tam... he mentioned NOTHING about going in for an echo to her... I think Tam Tam just didn't like me lol... oh well. 

Today I went in to a hematologist that Dr. DeSplinter referred me to due to low iron.  It was a bit of an interesting waiting room.  The price is right was on and I was surrounded by much older people who weren't in the best of health.  I definitely felt very out of place.  The doctor was running very late.  I got taken back and waited forever... I was getting a little bugged but then I heard a few conversations outside that gave me a big dose of humble pie.  The patient before me was having some very serious problems and she definitely needed all of the doctor's time.  Made me thankful that all I was there for was anemia.  

Anyways, so turns out that my iron levels were "barely detectable" lol... it came in at a 9 and the dr says she expects it to be in the hundreds.  So what does this mean?  Iron infusions.  I will start off with once a week visits to an infusion center. It might be increased to 2x a week, but we'll have to see how I'm responding. The first visit they require that someone come with me incase I have a reaction.  I know that this is necessary but I can't tell y'all how much I hate being a burden to other people.  Not only do I need to make sure my kids are looked after, but I need someone with me too!  The other part is that I will need to come after the babies are born to make sure my iron levels are doing okay because the babies will need iron.  

Blah.  

On the plus side- I did pass my glucose test with flying colors haha.. so one less thing to worry about!!  I'm really doing okay, just so much to keep track of and to worry about.  Jon is still traveling.  It is very possible that he will be able to be remote starting next week - fingers crossed!!!  He has been traveling straight for 19mo every week!  We are so ready to have our daddy back home.  

On a happy note, we had a wonderful 4th of July yesterday.  We took the kids to our in-law's pool and they loved it :)  Ashlyn pretended that she was a mermaid and Alton kept calling himself a great white shark and a humongous whale haha :)  Ashlyn would kick and try to paddle with her hands and then she'd ask to go back to "mermaid town" aka: the stairs.  

After naps, we went over to Jon's parent's house.  His sister, Leanna is in town from NYC so it was great to see her and to spend time with Jon's other sister, Beth and her family as well.  The kids had fun playing in a kiddie pool outside, hula hooping, walking on stilts and setting off some fireworks.  

Updates

On May 5th we found out genders!!  I was 18.4wks along.  Jon was able to come with me- yahoo!! We had just gotten back from a family trip to Utah and he was still in town :)  Not on vacation.. but he was here!!  I was so thankful for our tech this time around because unlike last time, she actually asked if we wanted to know the genders and if we already knew.  With A&A the tech assumed we already knew and just went ahead with the ultrasound :)

So... baby A is a girl and baby B is a boy!!! I made the tech go back and double check before we were done! For a while I kept feeling like we had 2 girls.. and then I started feeling like it was a boy and a girl again!  This is perfect!  We are so excited!

All looked pretty well.  The only thing that was a tiny bit concerning is that our baby boy has a little bit a fluid around his heart- but not enough to really raise alarm.  However, try telling a pregnant woman that!!  "Don't panic.. but..." yeah...

May 20th we had our next ultrasound at Dr. Tam Tam's office (the specialist).  This was a biggie ultrasound. 3.hours.long!!!!  It's no secret that I'm not a fan of this doctor.  He knows his stuff and is proactive- so I appreciate that... he's just so intense!  The first 2 hours we were just with an ultrasound tech.  She confirmed genders again :)  Baby girl was not super cooperative, but the tech got most of what she needed.  After 2 hours with the tech, Dr. Tam Tam came in with his check list of what he needed to look at that either the tech didn't get or couldn't get...

One of the longest hours of my life!  He spent the first 15mins very silent and looking over and over at our baby boy's face.  Then he started hedging and asking if we did the down syndrome screening with Dr. DeSplinter.  Apparently, they ran the test but only showed it as being 1 baby- not twins.  I was originally told that all came back normal.  The way baby boy's placenta is positioned- it is harder to see him sometimes.  There's more tissue to get through.  Dr. T couldn't find baby b's nose bone.  Apparently, that is a strong indicator of downs.  Of course my heart is sinking.  But then we'd get a glimpse of it.  Dr. T kept saying- it shouldn't be this hard to see it and find it.  We finally got a really good view and I felt better about it.  He wasn't concerned about the fluid around his heart... but he recommended that I go in for an echocardiogram for the babies.  That will be on June 23rd.  You better believe that I am pretty nervous for all of that.

I feel like I've gone through so much more for this pregnancy than I did with A&A.  Way more worry.  Way more meds.  Last week I had a normal appt with Dr. D and I got a call today about my bloodwork.  They need to adjust my thyroid meds (not a surprise) and then they told me that my red blood cells look normal but they are low in number.  From the numbers alone it looks like normocytic anemia.  Dr. D wants me to come in tomorrow to do more iron tests.  Lucky me!  I didn't have this last time around.  So I'm just feeling defeated.  I know it's not a big deal, but to me I just feel like it's just something else.

Don't get me wrong, I know we are so blessed and we are so happy for our new little girl and boy to join our family.  I'm just really over feeling like everything is wrong with me.  I just have to keep going one day at a time.  Other than bloods tomorrow- I go back on the 17th for a normal appt with Dr. D  along with my glucose test and ultrasound.  If I fail that glucose test- I'm going to lose it lol.

Oh... I don't think I've mentioned this... Dr. Tam Tam made me do a 24hr urine test!! I had to pee in a jug for a 24 hr period!  I had to deliver said jug to the lab... how horrifying lol.  They do this to get a baseline to see how much protein I might have in my urine.  Having that information will help Dr. D down the line... esp if I develope protein in my urine.  If this happens, they are more likely to deliver you- but if they have a base first then if they spot protein they will have a better idea if they really need to deliver you... so it just helps them not deliver sooner than needed.    All came back normal with my urine test so that makes me happy.

I can do this!  I can do this!!

Some People Are Worth Melting For

And just like that... 3 months have passed!

I took a step back from the blog because I was getting nervous.  The last time I had written I had not found out the outcome of our transfer.  I ran into the "what ifs"... what if I write about this whole IVF again and then it fails?  I decided to step back and figured that if it failed then I would pick up at some other point or if it was a success, I'd pick back up when it was "safe".

Well, on January 21st (the day of my last post)- as I wrote, they called back with my blood work and told me to continue my meds.  What I left out of that post was that my Dr. decided to run a pregnancy test.  So after the nurse told me all looked good, she added... "and, there's more.  We ran a pregnancy test."  My heart was seriously going a million miles a minute.  In the 2 seconds before she continued so many thoughts ran through my head.  Surely they wouldn't be telling me to continue meds if it was negative- would they?  She continued, "And it came back.. POSITIVE!  Your levels are 85!!!!"  I was only 6 days post transfer.  I hadn't even caved and taken an at home test.  I posted this on an IVF support group I'm apart of on facebook:

er.me.gersh!!! So I had to go into my dr's for blood work to check progesterone levels (I'm 6dp6dfet). Anyways, the nurse called and told me all my levels looked good and then she said.. "And... we ran a pregnancy test on you." I was just like.. "what???" (obviously not upset but just unexpected) and she said that I'm pregnant! She said levels were at 85! I'm still holding my breath here.. but I'm still in disbelief! This is our 3rd FET since August! My actual beta wasn't supposed to be until the 29th. So, we'll see what happens this upcoming week

I was in shock (I still am).  I was still nervous.  However, things moved right along.  My hcg levels rose they way they were supposed to.  On 11 days post transfer it was 799 and just kept going up!  

On Feb. 4th (5wks pregnant) we had our first ultrasound and our pregnancy was confirmed and it showed that we were indeed pregnant with TWINS!! AGAIN!!  Holy moly!  We were elated, scared, nervous, happy, shocked.. every emotion good and bad haha.  A 2nd set of twins!?!?   Wow!!

There is so much to catch up on but I don't want to turn this into a novel and I will do my best to update as we go along here.  I just wanted to talk about Alton and Ashlyn's story compared to our current story.  When we first got pregnant with A&A the disney movie UP was a huge influence with our story.  It still is.  So many crazy emotions from that movie.  Not only is infertility is quietly discussed in the first 15-20mins of the movie, they did it so thoughtfully.  The movie was all about picking yourself up from hardships and keep moving, keep having adventures and not being afraid to let people in.  We formed our little "grape soda club"  which the new twins will also get their own pins :) 

 However, this time around, there is a new disney movie, Frozen, that I feel is very appropriate.  A&A love this movie.  We watch it often.  Around when we transferred our snow babies we watched this movie and a line hit me hard.  I know, so cliche and cheesy- but I really don't care!  It's towards the end when Olaf finds Anna locked in a room in the castle by Hans.  She is feeling hopeless and freezing.  She is giving up hope.  Then, out of nowhere, Olaf is roaming the castle and unlocks the door where she is and finds her in this state.  He tries everything he can to help her, to get her warm, to give her hope.  He lights a fire.  She tells him to stop because he will melt.  He looks back at her and says, "Some people are worth melting for".  At that time, we didn't know if this transfer was going to work, but I felt a peace come over me (again, you area all probably rolling your eyes haha) and I knew that no matter what happened it would all be okay.  

I can't tell you how thankful I am for this wonderful blessing.  To know that our little family was "worth melting for" is humbling.  

We are officially due on October 2nd, 2016.. but let's be real... I'm not making it that far!! :)  Here is our official announcement!!!

Appt today

Went in today to check on my progesterone levels after adding the prometrium to my menu :)  I took prometrium before I dropped the kids off at preschool and then I went straight to the Dr's after that.  I haven't felt as extremely drowsy as I did the first time I took it on Tuesday night but I still get a little loopy.  So, by the time I went in I was starting to feel it.  I was around the corner from costco so I decided after the blood draw I'd go over to costco to pick up a few things and to ride out my weird drowsiness.

The rest of the day was fine.  Got the kids from school, had them finish what was left of their lunch (which was most of it), nap time, I was still drowsy/tired from meds so I just relaxed and watched a couple episodes on hulu.... I hate moving around when I feel loopy.  I felt lazy, but it's better than bumbling around haha.

My doctor's office called me with the results and they said my estrogen and progesterone levels look good and to continue my meds as I have been.  So it looks like the prometrium is doing it's job :)  I go back on Tuesday to recheck my levels.

On another note, when I was down and out about the prometrium thing I prayed for comfort and understanding.  I was just needing a feeling of support.  The next day a friend stopped by with a sonic drink.  She had no idea what was going on.  I know it's just a sonic drink- but to me- it was reassurance that I was being looked out for.  Later that evening an old friend contacted me about her infertility journey and wishing us luck on ours.  She mentioned about reading through our old blog about all of our infertility struggles and successes and how she has found hope in that.  It seriously brought tears to my eyes because this journey has just been so crazy.  I so appreciated her contacting me.

Today was a great day.

Quick update

Took the prometrium last night and then a little while after I took my progesterone shot... and holy cow.. drowsy city!!  We'll see how that continues to go.  It better be all worth it!!

Anyways, this morning, I called conception pharmacy (where I get all fertility meds) and I needed to order new progesterone in oil shots.  The last time I ordered my month supply it was like $300 just for those.  This was back in October.  Anyways, I told the woman I was pretty sure my insurance wasn't going to cover it.  I asked if I could only order a few instead of the full month so I didn't have to pay so much money.  She ran it through insurance just incase and she said that insurance covered it and it was $10... What?? I was like.. "you're kidding!"  She even ran it through a 2nd time.  She said in October it was run through insurance but not covered so it might've changed over the new year!  I'm still in shock.  It's a tender mercy, that's for sure.

I know it wasn't like thousands of dollars saved.. but if IVF works, I'll be on the shots for a long time and that will add up very very quickly... so it could turn into over $1000 just for that but now.. if my insurance covers it... It really relieves a lot of financial stress.

God is good.  I am beyond thankful and we are beyond blessed.  Still crossing fingers! 5 days past transfer...

Transfer and other things

Friday was our transfer day!  We had to be there at 6:30am.   Instructions upon leaving home:  empty bladder, begin drinking 1st water bottle and finish at arrival, check in, start 2nd water bottle.... feel like you have to pee your pants.. haha.

Anyways, we got to the clinic and checked in.  Maybe around 7am we got called back, saw our nurse, vitals, took ibuprofen, took a valium, Jon got his fancy suit, I got the gown.. woo!  Then we headed back.  We got our pictures of our snowbabies.  Both hatching!  This is a good thing.  Transfer went really well.  I guess I don't have a whole ton of description.  The same ol same ol... Then, Dr. G said that he wanted me back in on Tuesday to check my estrogen and progesterone levels.  The last 2 FETs they didn't check me at all until the the pregnancy test.  With Alton and Ashlyn's IVF they checked me a few times before the pregnancy test.  So, it makes sense.. just hoping it will help my odds.

Today I went in for my blood test and it came back saying my estrogen levels are good but my progesterone levels aren't as high as they want them to be.  I'm already an emotional mess.  So everything is heightened and I make a big deal about stupid stuff.  It's just what happens when you are on tons of estrogen!  Ha!  Anyways, they're putting me on prometrium (pill form of progesterone) and then still do the progesterone in oil shots.  Then I'll be back on Thursday to check up on it again.  I guess I'm so upset about all of this because it starts the questions of "Am I doing the shots wrong?  What else is wrong with my body?  What can I do different?...."  See? Stressful.  Anyways...

The bedrest was good.  It was nice to see Jon with Alton and Ashlyn having fun.  Jon did so much to help and kept us together this past weekend and I'm truly thankful for his willingness to be on this crazy ride with me!  By the end of the weekend I was so done with laying on the couch.  I'm doing fine now.  No real symptoms.  Some cramping here and there (I think.. who knows...).  The two week wait is so hard.  It's just a rollercoaster.  You have no way to control anything, no way of knowing if it was successful, there are usually no symptoms during the 2ww anyways so no matter what happens- there's no way of knowing unitl the blood test.

Today after I got the news about adding the prometrium to my already large list of meds I was so down and out.  I was getting frustrated with all the little things.  For example, whenever Ashlyn got a little crazy (upset because she didn't have the right color of something) it really got under my skin more than it should have.  I had a lot of mom fails this afternoon.  I just have to pick myself up and be better tomorrow.  It's really hard not having Jon here in town.  There are just times that you need a moment to check out and tonight was one of them.

Anyways, not trying to be all depressing over here :)  It was just a rough day.  I still have hope, but man it's hard to keep hope alive after the last 2 failed FETs.  Crossing fingers!